Spin Dry

I've come to the conclusion, especially given W's lame-ass "apology" concerning the treatment of Iraqi POWs by American soldiers, that the man taking up space in the Oval Office is forever locked in with the emotional maturity of a teenager. Of course, why would he ever have needed to mature beyond that? From the moment he was let into Yale on a legacy, and perhaps before, he's never had to earn anything. Therefore, he's never had to be responsible for anything.

Consider the scenario: your teenager "borrows" the car, then runs it into a telephone pole. Now, as a parent, your main reaction is probably relief that the kid is okay. Sure, a little anger -- but insurance will cover it. Your real concern is that, maybe, your child will learn something from this experience, and become a better person.

So you ask them if they're sorry for what happened?

"A cat ran out in front of me and I swerved..."

"Yes, but do you understand what you did was wrong?"

"The brakes didn't work."

"Okay, but are you sorry?"

"Billy totalled his dad's car, and he didn't get grounded -- "

"Yes, but -- "

"WHY DO YOU HATE ME?" (Running footsteps, slamming door, rents sigh.)

Ad infinitum. You see, every teenager thinks they know everything, are the center of the universe and are better than everyone else. They don't make mistakes; they are "victimized." They don't lack judgement; it's just that no one else understands them.

And if that isn't W's personality in a nutshell, I don't know what is.

Remember all the tap-dancing and denying he did when someone asked him , in his recent and rare press conference, if his administration had ever made a mistake? The apparent answer was "No" -- and this after a lot of dodging and spinning and excuse-making and W looked for all the world like that teenager trying to explain the smashed-in quarter panel to Dad.

But his behavior in the last few days has been even worse. He doesn't have the maturity to get in front of the American people and apologize to us -- and we deserve that apology as much as the Iraqi people do. Iraqi honor has been tarnished by these frat-boy torture photos. Unfortunately, it will be American lives that will be taken in vengeance. Far from making us more secure, once again, W has put us in more danger.

So, he apologizes, in private, to the King of Jordan. Closed-doors, no one else can see him grovel. And he does it after blaming other people, claiming he didn't know. "The dog ate my homework." "You never said the paper was due Tuesday." And on and on... And, once again W acts like the teenager he is. Because now, he can come out in public and describe how he apologized without actually having to be seen doing it. Another teen trait -- to take great credit for doing the right thing (after finally being forced to) without letting their friends see them do it, and all the while giving that little smirk that says, "Didn't really mean it."

After all, he apologized to one of them friendly A-rabs. In private.

Sorry, Dude. Turn in the car keys, and you're grounded. And if you don't fire Rumsfeld's sorry ass in a New York minute and apologize -- live, face to face -- to the American people (and in those words, "I am sorry") -- then you're fired. Whether it's by not winning your first election or by impeachment, doesn't matter.

You've just proven once again, Georgie-Boy, that you're a lame excuse for a human being and you don't even have the skills to sell Big Macs.

You certainly don't belong in the White House. There's a reason, after all, that the minimum age to be president is 35. It's just too bad that the founding fathers meant that in the chronological sense, and not the emotional.