Spin Dry

Seems some redneck has his little panties in a wad, and has proposed a bill that would not only ban works with gay or lesbian characters from the state's school libraries, but would also ban works by gay authors. Seems that Mr. Allen has a problem with things that are none of his business:

But in book after book, Allen reads what he calls the "homosexual agenda," and he's alarmed.

"It's not healthy for America, it doesn't fit what we stand for," says Allen. "And they will do whatever it takes to reach their goal."

Hm. Alabama. Flashback forty years and insert a certain "N" word in place of "homosexual", and the true nature of Allen's bigotry comes clear.

Hm. "Homosexual agenda." What could that be? Allen, like many prurient bigots, is most likely convinced that that agenda involves converting everyone on the planet to homosexuality. Well, take a look at Mr. Allen. Would we really want to convert him? There's just something shifty in those eyes. You know he has an agenda. He wants to go into the schools of Alabama and pervert all the little children, turning them into flaming, brainless, kneejerk, redneck, bigoted assholes. He's got the same disease that a lot of these folk do -- the terrible, terrible fear that homosexuality is actually so gosh-darn fun that were anyone, even themselves, exposed to even the teeny, tiniest bit of homosexuality, that they would convert to a life of sodomy, Broadway theatre and witty bons mots instantly.

Did I mention that heterosexual males are more likely to be child molestors?

Did I also mention that the real gay agenda has nothing to do with converting the world and everything to do with getting the puritans the fuck out of our bedrooms and personal lives? It's not about "special" rights. It's about the same rights as everyone else. You know -- the rights to drink from the same water fountains and ride up front of the bus.

I've got a better idea for legislation, Gerry. When you're not pouring over books to find the dirty bits (and pretending you're not getting a huge boner every time you read "those" parts from Naked Lunch or The City and the Pillar), why don't you propose that Alabama secede from the Union? Why don't you take your backward, redneck, stuck in the (18)50s state and bugger on off and make your own country where white racist, sexist, homophobic assholes like yourself can go be happy? Why don't you go crawl up your own ass and drag your cheeks in behind you while you're at it?

Meantime, feel free to give ol' Gerry a call and tell him how you feel about this piece of... um... stuff:

State House:	Room 531 11 S. Union Street Montgomery, AL 36130 (334) 242-7758			District:	Post Office Box 71001 Tuscaloosa, AL 35407
Work Phone:	(205) 556-5310			Home Phone:	(205) 556-5310

Disclaimer: the above is public information, obtained from the Alabama State Legislature website. Yes, they were the idiots who included a home number.