Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Flashing Red Lights... 

Whew. I thought I was the only one. When I see the flashing red lights and hear the siren, I pull my ass over to the right instantly. Why? 'Cause it means that someone is rushing to an emergency that may save a life. And, like the author at Atheist Revolution,, I've been totally appalled by the utter dickwits who seem to think that there's no reason to interrupt their busy day and pull the fuck over.

Why do I pull over when I see the lights and sirens? Real simple -- because the lights and sirens mean that someone is rushing off to save someone else's life. Meaning that my making that next green light or getting home two minutes earlier doesn't mean jack shit. When an ambulance or fire engine or police car goes into flashy siren mode behind me, it's game over. I pull to the right, get the hell out of the way and wait...

And, like the correspondent at Atheist Revolution, gawk at the selfish fucking asshats (usually in SUVs) who keep on driving, and then stop in the middle of traffic lanes, all the while chatting on their goddamn cell phones. Yes, I've seen these pricks make left turns in front of oncoming Firetrucks; stop in the left traffic lane and act pissed off while blocking access to an ambulance; the same people who piss and moan when it costs fifty bucks to fill up their ten mile per gallon ego-mobiles...

Y'know what? Fuck y'all. Personally, I think that all Emergency vehicles should be equipped with cameras, and as they rush off to save lives, they get to take pix of the assholes who block their way. And, from those pix, they get to issue tickets of the five hundred dollar or more variety. As in -- five hundred bucks the first time we spot your license plate blocking us; a thousand the second time; ninety days in jail the third time. Your defense? Nada... Okay, your only possible defense is that you couldn't get all the way over because someone else was already there -- unless you could have pulled forward one space and parked there.

It's the culture of selfishness, a Conservative Republican birthright, if you'd believe them. And, like Atheist Revolution, I have this simple question: How is it that I, an atheist, have a higher morality and will pull over at the first hint of sirens, while all of you asshats with "Support Our Troops" stickers and American Flags out the wazzoo (and chatting on your cell phones) will bumble blithely along your way, keeping our emergency workers from doing their work?

The traffic rules are simple, folks. Red lights and siren -- pull the fuck over. Even if it means you'll be two minutes late picking up Brittany from Soccer Practice. Get over yourselves, pull your heads out of your asses, and don't be part of the problem. Fire, ambulance and police have right of way. Always. Sure, you splooged all over Firemen on 9/12. Don't shit on them four years later. Or, don't bitch about them being late when your fat McDonaldsed lard ass is having a heart-attack.

You can't have it both ways. So pay attention, and pull over when those red lights flash. Otherwise, you're just a dickhead.

Hell yeah man. That's the way to tell 'em. Now, we should print that out and put in on the windsheild of every suv we can find. I've yet to encounter a polite hummer II driver. They're all fuckheads as far as I'm concerned. Tiny dicked idiots or the unsatisfied wives of tiny dicked assholes.
I've always wondered about that choice of brand name, too. Hummer. Was it slang for a BJ before it became a vehicle? Either way, it's the closest any of those drivers will get.

I saw a Hummer once, at the Car Show the year they were introduced. Got inside and thought to myself, "Goddamn. This thing shouldn't even be on the road." The hump between passengers over the transaxle was the size of a dining room table. And now we have the H3 -- the smaller, better penile replacement.

Don't get me started, though. Unless you've got five kids (with which I have entirely different issues), regularly carpool six other people to work or have to haul large pieces of furniture on a daily basis, there's no reason you need one of these friggin' land tanks. And if you must, learn to drive it, m'kay? And park it.

Can't tell you how many times I've seen some asshat in an SUV park in a "Compact Only" spot, flopping over the line on both sides (if they manage to hit anywhere near the middle), effectively taking up three spots. Of course, in those cases, I like to park my four-door sedan to their left, as close to their driver's door as possible while still within my lines -- and then go catch a movie.

But I think the aphorism, "The flashier/bigger the car, the tinier the dick" must be true.

I drive a Saturn.
Post a Comment

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?