Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Ridiculous Wrapped in Crap and Served with a Side of "Who Cares?" 

I told myself I absolutely wasn't going to blog on the "Britney Shaves Her Head!!!" story when it first hit last week. It was unimportant, inconsequential, meaningless.

Except that -- the news has been flogging it to death. Every night, from whenever the hell it was she did it until now, early in the hour -- whoops, they ran it again. Pop Idol checks out of rehab, shaves head, GETS TATTOO! OMFG, this is the most important thing to happen in the history of... ever. Since, like, OMG, ever.


Memo to TV News Editors everywhere. I don't give a flaming shit what Britney does. Probably 99% of the people in this country with an IQ bigger than her shoe size would say the same. Why did she shave her head? I don't care. Maybe she liked the look, maybe she's insane, maybe she's just an attention whore. But -- I. DON'T. CARE.

This story should have been reported, dead and buried fifteen minutes after it first aired, what with important things going on in the world. Because, frankly, the actions of a trailer trash, possibly drugged-up, skanky, stupid little bimbo with issues are not going to impact my life a hell of a lot.

But the actions of a trailer trash, possibly drugged-up, creepy, stupid little cowboy with issues and the Nuclear football at his disposal are going to impact my life and all life on this planet for a long time to come.

And, instead of the important stories, I've gotten to watch the media turn into the sniveling gossips of Fitzgerald's "Berenice Bobs Her Hair".

Britney is a little girl. She does stupid little girl things. There are no greater meanings to her actions, and there are no reasons at all to waste any time whatsoever on them. But the fact that our news media has been doing so for nearly a work week now has compelled me to waste the previous 325 words bitching about it.

I swear, though, if I were the dictator, the next news director anywhere to okay any news story whatsoever about this non-event would get a nice, hard kick in the jooblies with my heaviest pair of steel-toed boots, then be locked in a windowless room and be forced to listen to K-Fed's CD on repeat from now until January 21, 2009.

Memo to the Media: The antics of spoiled and callow pop stars are just as unimportant to the course of human events as the inbred, mindless ramblings of professional athletes. Ignore them. Idiots.

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