Friday, October 10, 2008

The Bullshit Is Knee-Deep, Part 2 

Earlier this week, I received a phone call from a Pro-Proposition 8 (California) group. I'm just sorry I missed the call and wound up with the message in voice mail, because otherwise I would have torn this poor, misguided phone banker a new one.

The gist of the script she was reading -- at breakneck speed in a heavy Asian accent -- was this: Was I aware of Proposition 8, and did I know that it defends "traditional" marriage between a man and a woman? And would I vote Yes?

My answers? Yes, no, and hell no. And I'm hoping that a major push in registration of first time and younger voters will knock this crap out, and that Proposition 8 will go down in flames. I hope this because all of the people I know under 30 don't understand the problem. They all have gay friends, and they don't get why it's a problem to allow same-sex marriage. They also don't understand why such a minor thing is a big issue to some people.

To the Yes on 8 people, I have a few questions.

First: California has been marrying same-sex couples for almost five months now. Has the sky fallen? Have we been besieged by locusts, boils, rivers of blood or earthquakes? Has society tumbled to pieces? No on all counts.

Second: Has a single one of those same-sex marriages damaged a single "traditional" marriage in any way, shape or form? Has a straight couple been denied some benefit because Ellen and Portia got hitched? Has a church or clerk refused to marry a straight couple because they were too busy hitching dykes and fags?

I believe the answers to the above are all "No."

But, Prop 8 proponents say, OMG!!!! They'll teach our kids in school that it's okay to be gay. And you know what I say to that? About goddamn time. Flashback fifty years, to when the Prudes were worried that schools would teach that black people are the same as white people. Heaven forbid! That was the same time that society said black people (or Asian people or Hispanic people) could not marry white people. All of those prohibitions have since been removed. End result? People who love each other can get married, in every case. Every case except one.

But, Prop 8 proponents say, OMG!!!! You'll force churches to recognize all marriages, even between a man and his horse!

Torch that Strawman now. See, churches seem to have it backwards when it comes to marriage. No matter what they think, a marriage is sanctified by the law, not the church. A couple could be married by the Pope in the Vatican, but if they don't go through the civil process in their home jurisdiction, they are not married. Period. Now, I have absolutely no problem with a church saying, "Oops, sorry, we won't allow (two men/two women/a mixed-race couple/a mixed-religion couple) to be married in our church. That's fine. That's the First Amendment. That's your right.

However... I'll be damned if I let a bunch of religious lunatics who would rather be living in the 12th Century tell me, or my friends, who they can or cannot marry. And how dare you tell me what my kids can or cannot learn? Personally, I would hope that my children are exposed to all orientations, genders, cultures and beliefs in school, so that they can learn the meaning of tolerance; learn the idea that "Not everyone is exactly like me." That's the first step toward understanding; the first step to eliminating the stupid divisions we have in society.

'Cause you know what, you fundie asshats? The sexual orientation of your kid is decided in the womb, they can't change it, and the worst thing you can do is constantly beat 10% of them over the head with the idea of "You are a goddamn travesty who shouldn't live." Yeah, that's right. There's no such thing as a gay agenda or homosexual conversion. Telling kids in elementary school that being gay is okay will not turn them gay. What it will do is tell the gay kids that they're valid people -- and tell the not gay kids to respect the ones who are gay.

Kind of like how white kids in the 70s got lectures about how the black kids coming to school with them were "normal". But -- you know what? We already knew that when we met them. "Oh. Well, his skin's a little dark, but... hey, he's got more in common with us than we do with those old farts at the front of the room."

So... Pro Prop-8 People? Suck my taint. Pull your heads out of your asses, concentrate on something much more important, like the economy, and let the current generation quietly remove all power from your sorry, hateful, ancient asses. With any luck, your retirement funds were just wiped out, while we have plenty of time for ours to grow back. Enjoy your dogfood, then regret the fact that you can't arrange a same-sex marriage of convenience that would bail your sorry ass out of the mess you've landed in.

Yeah, that's right. Marriage is a civil contract. It's not about sex or procreation. If it were, you'd be lobbying to prevent straight people who don't want to or cannot reproduce from marrying.

But you aren't, because you're all flaming bags of hpocrisy.

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